forever missed, forever remembered

there are plenty of reasons to start a blog, but for me at this moment, it's a massive combination of reasons coming together to the point where my head — physically — cannot handle the pain of holding them in any longer. with a new job starting, an old job ending, a new house and city being moved into, an old house and city being moved out of and a new found appreciation for life, it only makes sense i start writing down my thoughts again. it's healthy. not to mention, i love writing. and thinking. and just letting words and thoughts flow. i've successfully maintained blogs then unsuccessfully kept my readers/viewers informed when things got hectic.

no more of that. this is an off-the-cuff blog, no energy being spent on capitalizing letters or worrying about grammar much at all. it's centered around thoughts and conversations between those i come in contact with as well as things that simply dance throughout my brain as the hours pass. from tiny one sentence posts to pages of nonsense babble. it'll have it all. read if you want or X it out forever. whatever you want.

one of the main reasons i reintroduced myself to the blogosphere was the death of a dear high school friend of mine, sparking the necessity of a blank canvas to just write. i think we all need that sometimes. dom, a four-year teammate of mine on our football team, took his own life sunday evening after a rough patch and a battle with being bipolar. someone who never stopped smiling, never stopped improving himself, never stopped caring for others, who never stopped loving life, is now gone. i haven't spoken to him much in the last year, but i know our friendship was something he cherished. we were buddies during the good days and when we're reunited again after i leave this life, we'll continue that relationship.

horrific moments like this only make you stronger. maybe not at first, as images flash across my dark eyelids as i blink my damp eyes, but in the long run, they help you understand life is short. this isn't something to take lightly. it's cliche, sure, to say live every second like it's your last — something we stuck to as a theme at our high school — but when reality really kicks in, it's time to find out who's strong and who's weak. while some say taking your own life is selfish, i think it's unfair to say that. the human mind is a complicated entity and it doesn't always say the "logical" thing to the rest of your body. dom will forever be remembered as a rock in my eyes. this is sad and mortifying, but it's something that bursts adrenaline through my veins. dom, you've made me stronger. i want to live the rest of my life for you, because you couldn't. i miss your smile. i miss your drive. i know things changed over the years, but you are an incredible person. i love you, bro.

a new life, in a sense, begins this weekend in my new home in royal oak. with a fresh start in a new home, new job and new setting, i will never forget the morals i've learned through my schooling and religious experiences. keep smiling and keep pushing. good things do happen.